Beautiful Disaster

Welcome to my Wonderland where I scribble down thoughts as I Dance In The Rain

*~ Jenna ~*
"Life Is Not Waiting For The Storm To Pass, It's About Learning To Dance In The Rain"

WOW!! I forgot all about my blog!! 0_0 lol
Tomorrow my baby boy will be a year old!! 10-07-10 <3 So excited! Yo-Gabba Gabba party!!
I seriously need to give my blog some love soon.

Writer's Block: Rescue mission
Beat It
If someone intentionally set fire to your home and you had ten minutes to get out, would you try to save the arsonist or your belongings?

I can sit here and say that I would save my stuff before the arsonist..but when it came down to it and I saw a human being stuck and going to die vs. my belongings sitting there..I know my heart would make me, just out of instinct, try to save the PERSON over "objects". Regardless of what that person had done. I mean..for all I know they are a total mental case and need psychological do they deserve DEATH? No. Plus this question is very vague...I mean what if it was a 12 year old kid who set the fire?? Now would I most likely wanna and try to kick this person's a-s-s the minute we are out the door? YES. 
I just don't know if I could sleep at night knowing that I let someone burn to death who might have lived had I saved them...just so I can get my possessions I wanted Haha. 

Writer's Block: Like a rolling stone
Nightmare Before Christmas
Which musicians of the last two decades have had the most lasting impact on music as we know it today?

Obvious answer is Michael Jackson..might need to add another decade onto that but STILL. MJ changed music forever, he changed music as we now know it today and music videos. You can pretty much thank Michael Jackson for MTV as well lol. The man was and STILL is an international music ICON. The greatest entertainer that ever him, or hate him he changed music, dance, and music videos forever. His influence reaches to every corner of the music industry...almost everyone who has anything to do with music has been influenced by him in some way. His influence is deep and its worldwide. The whole world paused and grieved on June 25th, 2009....millions of people, countries ALL over the world. He impacted music in his life and SO much more.


Watch!! ----->

Writer's Block: Mind reader
Chaplin cute
In three words, describe what's currently running through your mind.



Writer's Block: The final frontier
stop existing..
If you could only visit one Web site (other than LiveJournal) for the rest of your life, which would you choose, and why?

That's tough, but it would be either Youtube or Facebook. I would hate to give up Facebook cause the connection with friends and family that's so fun there. Yet, I think I might honestly die though giving up youtube and all its kazillion MJ videos xD hehe
Hard to choose! 

The Boooooored Blog
I am so bored that I am even bored enough to write a pointless blog about how bored I am O_o
I am watching Back To The Future on tv, writing this blog, reading a book (The Vampire Lestat), facebook, and uploading music to my mac all at once. Yeah, when Im very bored I tend to multi-task, I guess trying to find something to cure my boredom. Im feeling pretty lonely I guess, blah...this is not how I thought Sat. night would be. Ah well...I think I will play some xbox 360 here soon. "Alan Wake" will keep me company Haha...only thing is that game is gonna scare me being alone in the dark lol. Good thing I enjoy being scared...well kinda...not really alone but Ill cope hehe.  Oh wow...I just totally zoned out for 10 straight minutes, maybe more...scary 0_0. Dont you hate thinking about things you dont wanna think about..and you get so absorbed in them you space out, not even realizing what you are doing and then snap out of it and look at the clock and time has passed even though it just felt like a second??......BLAH *sighs sadly* I'm rambling. Blame it on the boogie...erm...I mean the boredom.

Okay I feel PAAAAthetic right about now  >.<

Writer's Block: School Daze
What was your worst experience in middle school or high school? Did it have a lasting effect on you? Do you think you learned anything positive from it?

Most of my entire middle school experience was hell. A group of awful and cruel girls picked on me and seemed determined to make me miserable everyday of my life. It worked. I HATED going to school most the time. Looking back I know these girls hated me cause they were jealous and cause I was not the same as them. I didn't cuss and smoke and run wild...I was the good girl. Also my BFF at the time joined up in their group and started to be like them, yet she and I stayed close somehow..they hated it that she and I were so close but I was not like them and didnt become like them and hang with their "bad news" group. 
It didnt help when I decided to cut all my hair off in a "boy style" girl cut. I blame my mom to this day for allowing me to do it >.< Arrhhg. Already picked on + Bad hair cut = Please shoot me. I remember even once getting cornered in a hallway by these girls (who were it was like Double Evil) and cussed out and called names..while my BFF just stood there beside them..just staring. I'll never forget how I kept looking at her for support...just looking in her eyes and searching them for the person I had called my best friend since I was 8 years old. That person had slipped away somewhere...slipped away under the horrible influence of these girls...and neglectful parents whose neglect was steering her in the wrong direction *sigh*. It was not long after that we started to drift hard as I tried she was changing and our lives were taking different paths. 

Anyway, I digress...Haha.

Good thing is that high school was a total different experience. I had tons of friends, was fairly popular, in all the school plays, got along with everyone and had no enemies, even had a long term boyfriend through high school. These same girls would pass me in the halls and I would boldly stare them right in the eyes and THEY would look away...would not even meet my eyes. See, after making my life hell they were now the unpopular ones....Karma?

Did it have a lasting effect on me? It sure did..I think I have always struggled with insecurity since those years. Other things factor into my insecurity issues as well but I know those years played a big role in it too. I was so picked on and made fun of that even once I reached a point in my life where I started being told I was so pretty and "beautiful" and things like never sinks in, some people don't get it and act like I must be nuts for not seeing it. I always feel not good enough though and like people are looking at me and thinking bad things. Im very sensitive when it comes to anything about the way I look.

I did learn from it too as well though. I really did, a part of me embraces those experiences cause they did help mold me. Sure they caused some insecurities naturally..yet I think they did more good in the end than bad. It taught me to care about peoples feelings...despite what I say or feel about them behind closed doors I will never sit there and try and hurt them and say cruel things. I have to be pushed VERY hard to get to a point where I will tell someone to their face what I really think of them...not because Im "afraid" but because it normally just makes me uncomfortable, I dont wanna be the one hurting someone with cruel words. If im saying things to your face that are negative...well then you have REALLY pushed me to that point and upset me. Cause in general I am a very sweet and caring person. I think, say, Britney Spears is very untalented, nasty, and just UHG? Yes I do. Would I say this to her face? No, of course not..cause I would not wanna be just not that type of person. The whole "say what you think to my face, not behind my back" thing? Well...I think that some things are better not said to people... when its not nesassry. Sometimes it is.

So yeah..middle school= HELL....high school= 4 wonderful years of life
Was damaged alot..learned alot...bloomed alot...and in the end it all helped mold me. I may be pretty rough around some edges and could use some improvement in certain areas..I may have my flaws and weaknesses, but I like to think I turned out okay...even good :) 

Not Clean Enough!!
 Ooookay so today my two nephews are spending the night..which I am excited about! Nothing can give you drive to clean your house like having people come over. Maybe I need to start having people over every weekend and I will have a sparkling clean home! Haha..Nah I still wouldn't hehe. The good thing is that that upstairs..which is rather neglected and scary....can stay hidden! There is no need for anyone to be upstairs hehe. All the good stuff is downstairs--television, xbox 360, food, bathroom. So yeah..Im gonna rush around the next few hours like a chicken with no head (not "cut off"..just no head..yep..just no head) and dust the living room and dining room, clean the horribly messy desk and dining room table that my hubby refuses to keep straightened everytime I clean it (ARRHGG..seriously it looks like he plays "52 Card Pick Up with all the bills and mail O_o). Let's see, I also need to unload the dishwasher, then load the dishwasher, sweep the kitchen, clean the stove off. Then LAUNDRY LAUNDRY LAUNDRY and make my bathroom, that looks like Ground Zero, appear half way decent! 

I have close to 3 hours to do as much as I can before I then have Tobey back with me and have to juggle a baby on my head while I clean. So here is wishing myself luck ;)


wait...PS: I cant not WAIT to move out of this house!!!!!!!! O_O We need more space! oh and a friggin YARD for the dogs! They make me wanna rip my hair out and stomp on it, always under my feet and breathing on me! gaahhh >.<



Origin Of My Baby's Name!
~ Tobey Jackson R. ~

My beautiful baby boy

This is where his first name came of the best movies EVER  <3

aaaaand I am very PROUD to say this is who his middle name is after <3

Michael JACKSON 1958-Forever
Gone too soon

You Are My Life PART 1: Are you lacking in patience? Need help?? Have a baby!!
Tobey- Hat

It was after the second time being spit up on and then cleaning up water that was knocked down and soaked everything on the coffee table (even my expensive Charlie Chaplin book O_O) was at that moment I stopped and thought to myself--Yes, being a mommy truly does take patience. Especially once they start crawling! My goodness...take your eyes away for just ONE moment and you turn around and I swear to you it looks like the Tasmanian Devil flew in and whirled around in your home Haha. I dont know how many dvds have now been soaked with drool, how many books are now wavy and warped from the drool machine that is a 8 month old. 
You spend money on expensive toys..only to find that your baby is more interested in the box the toy came in. Screw the fancy toy with the bold colors and flashing lights...I want that dull boring cardboard box it came in!! I want to eat it!! Its true, very true Haha. 
Another thing you have to be very careful with is the fact that babies have NO fear of physical injury. No concept that throwing themselves off the couch might hurt...or trying to fly over the railing of their crib might not feel good...they have NO clue that standing up and then letting go of what you are holding onto and letting yourself fall backwards might not be pleasant. Neither do they understand OTHER people feeling physical pain. Do they get that it hurts when they grab a fist full of Mommy's hair and rips it out? Do they know why you yelp in pain when they get a death grip on the skin of your neck or your cheek and grind their little sharp baby claws into your skin like trying to rip your flesh off? Noooo, as a matter of fact, when you yelp in pain or tell them "NO"..they grin that ear to ear amused "Mommy you sound funny when you say NO" smile and laugh at you. You are their greatest source of entertainment and amusement lol
I tell you though that instant when they look at you with those shining and happy eyes...give you that utterly adorable heart melting smile that lights up your world and makes your heart throb in love like NOTHING else can do...its at that moment that none of those things matter, you are in fact even grateful for them. This process is how you learn true is being a Mommy.

Its amazing how one day he could stand up holding on to things, then the next day he figured out how to scoot himself across the floor, then by the next day he was zooming super speed through the living room and dining room like a baby bullet. It happened so fast! I think he is going to be an early walker. He is already trying so hard. He is such a good boy....such a beautiful, sweet, gorgeous, loving, happy baby..*sighs deeply with love*. I love being a mommy!!

This song is for my Tobey...his fav song currently <3

La La LaLa La La LaLa ELMO'S SONG!! <3 <3

MaMa loves you Monkey

Writer's Block: A rose by any other name
Chaplin- Adorable
Do you like your birth name? If you had the opportunity to change it, would you? What new name would you choose?

Well I like Jenna cause its not all that common really. I mean you hear it..but not alot. Though growing up I always wished my name was Samantha so I could be called Sam for short cause I thought that was just so "cool". I was a huge tomboy growing up haha. I still love the name Sam and would totally go for that instead of Jenna or Jen. 
I also am in love with the name Zowey...but I plan to name my daughter that someday so I cant steal it hehe. 
Actually, now that I think about it...I dont think I would change my name. Ive had it about 26 years...its kinda grown on me ;)

Oh Charlie, There Will Never Be Another You
Chaplin-no hat

This is my favorite picture of Charlie Chaplin <3
This photograph could not better embody who he was as an entertainer. Bittersweet...hysterical and serious combined. Charlie had the rare and special gift of giving us tears and laughter..and he did it flawlessly. I can watch a Chaplin film and one minute be laughing my butt off and the next have tears in my eyes I am so very touched. There will NEVER be another like him. Many dont know this but Chaplin actually wrote the screenplay, casted, directed, acted in, and even wrote the musical score to all his films. He was truly incredible!

Charlie Chaplin films, even today, can be watched and they can make you laugh so hard, bring you pure enjoyment and entertainment. You forget you are even watching a black and white film. They touch you..all these many decades later. Charlie had a charm about him that will never fade with time. Hell, im a 26 year old girl in 2010 and Ive had a "Chaplin crush" for years now hehe. Ive been a HUGE fan for years  and two of my fav quotes in the world came from his mouth:

~A day without laughter is a day wasted~
~To truly be happy you must learn to take your pain and play with it~

Here is video by a group called J-Five (No, not the Jacksons lol) that is an awesome mix...a really awesome mixture between old and new music! A tribute to Charlie Chalpin....I loooove this!
(Mac-Daddy of the 1940's!! lol.......could make ya laugh without saying a word! *smiles*)

- - We THINK too much and FEEL too little - -


Maybe This Time..
in the closet
Tell me, is it stupid to keep trusting in something that has proven itself untrustworthy time and time again? Thats a simple question with an easy answer, I know. Yet what happens when you want it to be the truth this time so badly that it keeps you believing again and again...on the chance that maybe this time they will mean it. How many times burnt is one time too many? 2? 3?? 10??? I suppose you live and you learn right? And then again....sometimes you dont learn maybe. Or learn... but you willingly choose to ignore the lessons you have learned and continue on as if ignorant.

Then again...when you hear that little voice inside say "Maybe this time will be different...I know it can be."  Maybe it will be. Just maybe. I choose one more time to believe it can be. Sometimes if its important to you, you just gotta have faith and open our mind to the possibility that things CAN change.

Sunshine of My Life
Tobey B&amp;W

You Are My Sunshine
My Only Sunshine
You Make Me Happy 
When Skies Are Gray
You'll Never Know Dear
How Much I Love You
Please Don't Take My Sunshine Away

-- I love my Tobey -- 

Apparently my baby has a tail that only he can see and he is chasing it atm O_o ....Go baby Go!!
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